How do we accept circumstances that have turned our world upside down, ended our dreams, left us living a life we did not plan on and DO NOT want? Finances are tighter, alone is lonelier; fear is more overwhelming, finding joy seems impossible. How do we wake up every day and live a life we don’t want? What exactly does acceptance look like?
We wake every day feeling our pain and discomfort with our current circumstances. We often wish we could just climb back under the covers or go through the day yearning for bedtime once again. We feel our hurt and anger, our confusion and uncertainty. We dislike, no hate, our current situation and see few if any choices that can change our situation around. We really just want our old life back or at least the dream of what it was suppose to be. We are in resistance.
Our resistance exists when we are focused on living in the story of what has gone wrong with our lives. The truth is what happened in our marriage IS devastating. Every divorce situation is hard and I have heard more heart breaking stories of how marriages have ended from infidelity, financial betrayal, abuse, addiction, abandonment and more.
Our pain lies underneath our anger. Part of grieving is wrestling with the denial, anger, and depression that arise when we are hurt in this way. There is a time when we will shift from the problem that we face to the solution that we desire. We begin to ask ourselves, what’s next and how to I pick myself up, dust myself off and begin to look forward and believe in new possibilities. When we do this consciously, we open the ability to choose to shift into a forward thinking, solution oriented consciousness.
This shift requires us to acknowledge that while we may want what we had (or parts of it) that is no longer an option. We begin to look at what we want by saying YES, this has happened, it sucks, it hurts AND it is my reality.
Do I want it to define me? No. If I resist it long enough or hard enough will it change? No. Do I want to stay in this hurt and angry place? Yes? No? When I know the answer to the last question is NO, then I can consciously begin to focus on what I do want, what I choose to take my focus off the problem of what happened and onto the solution of what I want to create in my future.
When we think these and other similar problem focused thoughts, we fall into depression, hurt, worry, sadness, anxiety, anger, bitterness, etc.
In the early stages of divorce it makes sense that you will deny, resist, feel depressed and angry. However, if you find yourself stuck in that place without even small signs of progress toward accepting your circumstances, you may be choosing to stay stuck in your story
Share with us ways that you have shifted from resistance to acceptance and how that has helped you along your journey.