I was divorce coaching a client the other day. He was doing really well. Stepping into acceptance around his circumstances, avoiding negative contact with his STBX, taking care of himself when the sting of the holidays after divorce left him feeling like he had taken 10 steps backward. You probably know what I am talking about.
Maybe the holiday sting hit you when you opened that box of holiday decorations and fell down the rabbit hole of what was and what should be. Perhaps you began making plans and crashed into the reality that your kids are not only going to be with your ex, but that they are looking forward to spending time with his/her new significant other. It might be that the holiday party you always attended as a couple is still happening and you are no longer on the invite list…or you are but you feel like a third wheel.
The sting of the holidays after divorce may be sharpest around extended family. You may have a loved one telling you what you SHOULD think, feel or do. Someone judging or blaming you for your circumstances or minimizing the tenderness and hurt of this difficult season. Maybe this was always your favorite season and now it feels like salt in an open wound.
It is normal to feel a storm of raw emotions throughout the holidays, especially during or after divorce.The key is to balance the sting of the holidays by sitting with those difficult feelings yet not drowning in them. You can set an intention to consciously embrace the painful emotions and allow them to be and commit to a next step of shifting out of that emotional pain and re-engage with something that will soothe you. For example, Sean has been riding a roller coaster of emotions but in a mindful manner. By both embracing and limiting time in mourning and intentionally creating set times to connect (with friends, family or as a volunteer). The best thing we can do is get out of our own head to shift from the pain of our grief to a broader perspective of the holiday season.
While not easy, continually shifting into gratitude and embracing the spirit of this holiday season, you can lessen the sting of the holidays after divorce. The feeling of isolation is often the most difficult which is why we have created a worldwide community for men and women to share, encourage and yes, even laugh together. If you are feeling alone and isolated, give yourself the gift of community and begin receiving the empathy and support your desire while making new friends across the globe.
Our NEW Journey Beyond Membership Community is designed to support you through the isolation, disappointment, fear and uncertainty. We invite you into a community of peers to encouragement and coaching with our team of professional coaches. We provide you with articles, podcasts, videos, ebooks and webinars to offer you an Emotional Lifeline and Logistical Roadmap to help you journey beyond divorce with greater ease and effectiveness.
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