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Am I Codependent?

By Karen McMahon

What is co-dependence and how can I know if this is something that I need to look at within myself?

Answer the following questions and you will see where you fall on the codependence spectrum.

  1. Do you place your partner's needs ahead of yours?
  2. Have you ever hit or been hit by your partner?
  3. Are you afraid to tell your partner when your feelings are hurt?
  4. Does your partner tell you how to dress?
  5. Do you smile when you are angry?
  6. Do you have difficulty establishing personal boundaries and keeping them?
  7. Is it difficult to express your true feelings to your partner?
  8. Do you feel nervous and uncomfortable when alone?
  9. Do you feel rejected when your partner is spending time with friends?
  10. Do you feel shame when your partner makes a mistake?
  11. Do you have sex when you don't want to?
  12. Do you withhold sex to get even with your partner?
  13. Do you think your partner's opinion is more important than your own?
  14. Do you rely on your partner to make most of the decisions in the relationship?
  15. Do you become very upset when your partner does not follow your plan?
  16. Are you afraid to let your partner really know what you are feeling?
  17. Do you keep silent in order to keep the peace?
  18. Do you feel you give and give and get little or nothing in return?
  19. Do you freeze up when in conflict with your partner?
  20. Are you unhappy with your friendships?
  21. Do you often find yourself saying "It's not that bad"?
  22. Do you feel you are "stuck" in this relationship?
  23. Do you have to control your emotions most of the time?
  24. Do you lose control of your emotions during times of conflict?
  25. Do you feel that your relationship would fall apart without your constant efforts?

____ Total number of Yes answers.

A total score of 5 or more yes answers indicates that you may be in or have been in a co-dependent relationship. The higher the number of yes answers, the more dysfunctional the relationship.

1-7 yes answers, the more dysfunctional the relationship.
8-18 yes answers indicate a moderately dysfunctional relationship;
9-25 yes answers indicate a severely dysfunctional relationship.

Source:  Co-Dependence Healing The Human Condition by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.

What does it means to be in a co-dependent relationship. What can you learn about yourself and the type of partner you are attracted to?  How can you begin to use those lessons to change your own behavior in ways that will serve you better. Join the conversation and share you thoughts.


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