If you want to find someone to love you, you must first love yourself. How do you do that when everyone is demanding your time?
It is important to realize your role in ‘training’ your loved ones (children, spouse) to expect selflessness from you…as that is how you have acted until now. By doing so, you have encouraged them to be selfish, primarily concerned with their own needs. If you can own your part in this, it will help you to move forward.
Now, your task is to turn the tides. In doing so, you will undoubtedly encounter resistance, both from your loved ones and from yourself. For your own peace of mind, we have taken you through the steps of understanding the difference between selfishness, selflessness and self-loving. Now you must do the same for your family. You can acknowledge and validate their feelings and resistance to your change and then stand your ground.
You can explain that just as having their needs met is important to them, you too have needs and you will be a better person and parent if you take care of yourself. Let them know ahead of time what will be changing and why and the benefits that they too will receive from this change. Some may be understanding and loving while others may be resistant. With love, validate their feelings and then proceed to take care of yourself. It won’t take long before taking care of your self is the norm. Children are more pliable than spouses and if you are already struggling with divorce that is bound to be the case.
Congratulate yourself when you take that step, no matter how difficult.
Our next series will be on Taming the Voices in Your Head that cause you angst and increase the struggle to do what you know in your heart and soul is right for you.
If you have been struggling with taking care of yourself during this season of divorce and discovery; difficulty and personal growth, share your thoughts or pose your questions. We’d like to hear what you have to say.