The Online Dating Game

By: Karen McMahon

Recently single again, I have watched my reluctance to get back into the dating game.  In examining my resistance, limited beliefs and fears as they came up, I realized how many of us go through similar struggles.  I plan to share parts of my journey with you in the hopes of opening both the conversation (please comment on the posts) and the possibility that the journey can be as interesting and enjoyable as the destination (finding one’s ideal companion).

I have also coached many a client around their beliefs that there are no good men or good women out there.  Many believe that anyone who is involved with online dating is:

1.     lying about themselves;
2.     a loser or damaged goods (why else would they be divorced or never have married);
3.     only look for sex or money or (fill in the blank).

To these people I say, “What your appreciate, appreciates!”  Place your attention on all the negatives that people might show up with and you are bound to find exactly that!

The truth is that there area all types of men and women involved in online dating.  Your ideal companion IS there.  I recently had this conversation with two clients.  Each acknowledged their negative perspective and shifted it.   One client met a lovely man within 2 weeks.  Another was shocked at the synergy she immediately attracted on Match after shifting her perspective!

Another fear is that we don’t want to make the same mistake again.  For those of us who emerged from a difficult relationship and/or divorce, that makes sense.  We may look back and see that we have continuously chosen partners that were not a good fit for us.  Understanding what was behind those choices and focusing on our part in attracting and engaging in unhealthy relationships is the first step to guaranteeing we will not repeat that pattern. We will explore this in a separate post.

Along with our limiting beliefs are the fears of how to talk about our self.  Writing a personal profile can be uncomfortable for many (it was for me).  What do I say?  I don’t want to be too serious.  I don’t want to boast. How do I share the essence of who I am?  Enlist the help of someone who loves you…a best friend, a family member. Ask someone of the opposite sex to read and comment on your profile.  They can offer you a valuable different perspective.  Instead of dreading the process, writing your profile can be an introspective exercise in determining who you are and how you want to BE as you enter online dating.

Over the past few months, I have engaged in some very interesting conversations, and have had a few dates that have left me with new insights, funny stories and delightful experiences.  I will be writing about all of these and I invite you to request a blog on any topic that you would find valuable. I am excited to explore this new realm with you and invite you to share and comment.

My next post will be on How to Create Your Ideal Online Dating Experience.